That was not just the only humiliation I was passing through; I was so much hated by my school mates, and they usually stay away from me as if I was contaminated with deadly diseases. They sometimes attacked me verbally hurting my feelings, mocking me; laughing out loud at me, and telling me to my face how horrible I looked. I felt I was only given birth to, just to suffer because they were blacks with good-looking black hair, they are of true African figure but I was just a little girl of no race, an Albino.
Although, I have some friends who do show love and care; the feelings my biological mother can never share with me, not in any way. They were true friends indeed; they are Tonia, Sandra, and Samuel. They have been there for me in every way, to defend me whenever I’m bullied, to strengthen me whenever I am defeated, to help me up on my feet whenever I’m thrown down with my butt on the bare ground. Samuel; a handsome guy, in fact, the most handsome and the most brilliant guy in my class that every female folk dream of; I wasn’t in any way left behind, I have crush on him too, and my skin condition truly helped in bringing him closer, giving his utmost attention to me even when I knew I don’t deserve it.
He never professed his love to me, and I was not in any way in the advantageous position to tell him how much I loved him; firstly, I’m a female and the second part is, no single male will want an horrible-looking girl like me when there are other black and beautiful princesses he can fall in love with.
They were blacks and I looked white, they have good looking skin but mine was not just only white – they were right, I was horrible. But I knew I never deserved the humiliation I earned from them, the batteries. I never blamed them; they must have forgotten the fact that I’m human too, a human being like them. The skin might in many ways be different but we still have the same flesh and with that, I think I still deserved some mercy; I truly deserved to be pitied.
We have been taught by our biology teacher and I also read it that albinos are in every way humans too, the only difference is that, we lack melanin; he said I’m only different from others just because of that; the reason why I’m not black. I know they never for once have a thought on his words, which was the reason why they were unfair to me, the reason why they hated me, and the real reason why they discriminated against me.
I never lost hope; I believed I could still be like them, I thought my condition was reversible. My friend, Tonia taught me some possible ways of making my skin black – beautifully black. She advised me to start staying under a hot sun for more than an hour each passing day; at first, it wasn’t easy for me, battled with severe headache, but later became something I got used to. I was also advised to start using an engine oil as a body cream, that might sound too extremely odd but I did it, I thought it was all for my own good. I even stopped taking my bath regularly but the whiter and lighter my skin got. I only succeeded in getting my hair colored to thick black through the help of Tonia, who applied some liquid substances to my horrible-looking hair.
As a reward for my decision, I was hellishly beaten by my enraged mother, after seeing what I have done, she called me a lot of names, telling me how unlucky she was to have given birth to me, and at last cursing my being.
I got so angry, not at the beating I earned from her, but I need to question the gut she had to rebuke me that way. I stared at my aggressive mother as she stood before me, holding the whip she normally uses to beat me. I angrily stood up on my feet as my anger took the best of me and ran towards the kitchen, took a knife that she had carefully kept on the plate rack. I rushed down to the sitting room, I could see the surprise registered on her face as she stared at me with her eyes widely opened – I knew she was so frightened; ready to know my next line of action.
“Are you out of your mind?” she bellowed as the knife touched my esophagus, ready to slit it opened “What are you doing to yourself?” she asked ignorantly
“Stay away!” I ordered, yelled angrily at the top of my voice as she made a way to take the knife away from me “Stay away from me, Mother!” I said soberly, emphasizing my last word “Or else, I will kill myself right here” I wept as the already formed tears flowed out of my eyes
“Tell me; what have I done to you, where have I gone wrong? Why do I deserve all the humiliations I earned from you, WHY?” I bellowed, my breath became heavy “was it my fault; is it my own fault that you brought me into this unfair world? Is it my fault I never look like others? Is it my fault? Tell me….” I could see the tears formed in her eyes too.
“Or are you not my Mother? Are you not the one that brought me into this world?” I sobbed, choked in tears “Am I not your daughter?” I asked holding firmly unto the knife as my hands quivered “Are you not the one that gave birth to me?” those questions flowed freely out of my stuttering mouth
“Take away that knife,” she said pitifully.
to be continued…
Written by Agele Ayo